I came back home upset; upset for being taunted by the opposition for losing the cricket match and upset for being the cause of the loss. I got down to psycho-analysing myself. Writing has a knack of clarifying the mumbo-jumbo in your brain. Once I sifted through the confused mess of interacting and conflicting thoughts, I actually got to the core of what I did wrong and how I can avoid doing the same mistakes again. Yes this is personal and very situation specific, but in the process I found clarity. And what better way to find clarity than to ask yourself questions. Maybe a similar process applied to a different situation will help you sift through your thinking or maybe you can find some insight as well as agree or disagree with my conclusions. Either way, I thought the ideas and conclusions were worth sharing, so here it goes.

My object was clear when I started to write:

1) What? – to identify what I did wrong

2) Why? – to identify why I made those mistakes

3) How? – to identify how I can avoid making the same mistakes again so that I can improve as a cricketer. Everybody makes mistakes but to make the same mistakes twice is stupidity!

The way I answered the above questions were by asking myself the questions below:

What happened?
We just lost a cricket game to Triangle.

Why did it happen?
Our team could not chase a modest total of 133 in 20 overs. After I got out, the whole team just collapsed.

Why is the loss upsetting me so much?
We played well overall and deserved to win.
We restricted the other team which were clearly better to an achievable total.
We bowled and fielded brilliantly.
I blame myself for not playing through; I expected to make us win.

Why did I blame myself?

Because I knew that the team was relying on me to win the game. We are short of batsmen.

Why did I think I got out?

Because I was actually scared of losing my wicket. That feeling of cautiouseness was bothering me. I felt like I had chained myself and was fighting to break free. It made me challenge my own strategy of rotating the strike and play till the end. This constant struggle in my head between playing aggressively versus playing cautiously lead to confusion, which in turn lead to the 1 mistake which lost us the game.

There was no need to play aggressively! We needed a run a ball. We were getting the run a ball. All the fielders were placed in the boundary so if I went for a big shot, 1 mishit would have got me out, which is exactly what happened! I did go for a big shot, I did mishit it and I did get caught in the boundary. The patiently made 33 of 33 balls was not enough for victory.

If we had won the game would all these feelings have mattered?
No! I would have been happy that we won and I would have been happier because we would have got the bragging rights over the other team against which we have history. The above mistake would probably have repeated itself till the next time we had a close game that we lost. So there are lessons to be learnt. This is an opportunity for me to identify the fault in my thinking process and come up with a solution to improve my game.

What can I learn from this experience?
1) There are so many emotions attached to the game. But at the end of the day its just a game. One team wins and one team loses. You are either in the winning or losing side. All the happiness and sadness which comes with the victory or defeat does not change the result one bit. If I can take the emotions out of my game I will be a much better player.

2) I have to know my game and just follow through with it irrespective of what the situation demands. Just like Virender Sehwag knows his game and follows through with it irrespective of whether its T20 or a test match, or whether the situation demands it or not. If the ball is there to be hit, he will go after it. Sometime it leads to success and sometimes it leads to failure. Overall he has come out on top though. He is regarded as one of the best cricketers in the world.

Contrast that with Rahul Dravid. He is another cricketer who knows his game. He knows he is not a swashbuckling cricketer like Sehwag. He is all about patience and technique. Everytime he has tried to play outside his game he has been fairly unsuccessful like in the T20 format. However when he has played his natural game in formats which suit his style of play, like tests and one day internationals, he has performed. He is also regarded as one of the best players in the world. The likes of Ricky Ponting and Shane Watson draw inspiration from him (article) and seek his advice (article).

I have to learn how to not second guess myself because that is what leads to my own demise. Today I was second guessing myself. I have to know that it isn’t possible to fire everytime but on average, over time, me sticking to my game will produce more good results than bad ones.

How can I not repeat the same mistakes again?
1) “An optimist sees green signals everywhere, a pessimist sees red. The wise person is colorblind.” Take the emotion out of the game. Play every ball on its merit. Do not worry about the outcome, instead focus on the process.

2) Follow my natural style of play. So what is my style of play?

Am I an aggressive cricketer who goes after the ball or a cautious cricketer who taps the singles and doubles but plays through till the end? The fact is that I am a bit of both. It totally depends on the mindset I am in. Whenever the situation has demanded that I go after the bowling without worrying about the consequences I have had my best performances like the 148 runs in 44 balls I hit when chasing 248 in 20 overs.In other situations, the same intent has gotten my out.

On the other hand, there have also been days when I have slowly built my innings because my feet aren’t moving quick enough or because I have been too careful about my shots. My cautious performances haven’t been exciting or memorable but they have been effective.

It is clear that whether I am cautious or aggressive on a given day depends on my intent. Atleast at the level I am playing in, which is very amateur cricket, I think over the long run it would serve me better to be aggressive from the get-go. Remember that if my intent is aggressive in every game, it does not mean that I will perform in every game, but on average I will perform more often than not, which is what matters!

The idea is to be a rational instead of an emotional cricketer.